WILL HE MARRY ME?
Just how do you get a guy to marry you I would wager is the $64,000 question of the year. Unfortunately, many “love specialists” teach it’s about enticing a guy with sexiness, beautiful hair, slim body, big boobs, fashionable clothes. Got news for you … that ain’t it.
Those who fall for the above superficiality, are in for a HUGE surprise when they discover all their money paid for plastic surgery and hair extensions didn’t work. Not even butt reshapes.
Others suggest it’s your college education and/great job. Of course a college degree and working in a profession you love is outstanding. That’s a given–that’s a gift to/for you. You earned it. But that alone doesn’t get you married. Many highly professional women, making a boatload of money are still single. So, what does it take to walk down the aisle.
First, marriage is a BIG Deal. And takes guts, gumption, and a head full of accurate knowledge to understand how relationships work ‘best’. Many make a run for it, but without solid a education of the principles that make relationships work, and how they work, marriages can simply fizzle out.
- You are compatible (duh!) Seriously you have to be more alike than opposite.
- There is palpable chemistry between you
- He is your best friend and you, his
With those three building blocks as foundation, you now have something to grow into a relationship with roots. Let’s discuss these three elements in detail.
What it means to be compatible: This means engaging in a whole lot of work in deep communication to assess how much you two can complement each other before you say, “I do.” You’ve heard the rundown on this subject before, many times, I’m sure.
Problem is, most people just brush over it. Oh, we like the same music, or the same movies, or he’s so cute. I love the way he dances. We’re both Star Trek fans. He makes a lot of money. The sex is out-of-this-world.
Really? That said with a deep sigh. The above is sooo superficial. If you get married on those grounds, start looking for your divorce papers in the morning mail.
Make sure your minds are compatible. Do you see the world the same? Do you value people the same? Do you handle conflict resolution the same? Are you forgivers? Do you hold grudges? Is your guy kind, tender, gentle, polite, love kids, like your mother? Is he compassionate?
Does he outwardly show affection. Does he ever say the words, “I love you.” Do you need to hear them. Has he introduced you to his family? Do you like them? Does he have an ex-wife that you’ll have to contend with? Is that doable? Does he have other children? Does he pay child-support? Is there enough money left for the two of you? Or would you have to work to help support them? Are you okay with this?
See, there’s a lot more to getting married to this guy than he’s sexy.
What is palpable chemistry: sadly, I’ve seen a whole lot of marriages without such
chemistry. I call them “shell people.” They go through the motions; but are shells of anything anywhere near passion. For some, that’s okay. They simply seek companionship.
Others would die a slow unfilled emotional death living in marriage like that. Chemistry is that Wow! factor in your togetherness. He lights up your eyes. The sound of his voice makes you glow. His kisses melt your heart. And he feels the same for you.
Fairy tale? People who say that have never experienced true chemistry. Have you ever gone to a park on a sunny evening and watched older couples up in their 70s or 80s stroll through holding hands? Holding hands! And smiling at each other. After decades of life together. That’s the kind of love we all should strive for.
Caution. Chemistry is a drawing of two hearts together. It either exists or it doesn’t. You can’t make chemistry happen. You can’t will it. You can’t hope it will happen. You can’t force it. It’s either there or it’s not.
Often someone will tell you in time you can grow to love someone. I agree. You can–but that love is often a love of appreciation. Maybe the person is loyal, trusting, honest, kind, giving. Who wouldn’t grow to care … you may eventually grow to love them for all their fine qualities.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean you would–Fall. In. Love.–Loving someone and being IN love is far, far different. The two don’t even know each other. So it all depends on what you want. Some would call the love of appreciation, settling.
Settling often happens when a woman has all but given up her hopes of finding the man she longs to love. Then she meets Mr. I will take care of you, and not wanting to end up alone as she grows older, she says, “I do.” But will forever yearn for that missing passion in her heart.
You decide what you’re willing to abide.
Why should he be your best friend? Why would he not be your best friend is a better question. Who do you want to share ideas with; laugh with, cry with, love with, travel with, dine with, play with …
Friends have each others’ back. Someone there should you fall. Someone there in times of trouble. Someone there when you’re sick. Someone there if you lose your job. Someone there when you wake up in the morning. And kiss goodnight.
One more, very important piece of my opinion. Do NOT make him so comfortable, he thinks he is already married to you. You know what I mean: sleepovers. Living together. Performing wifely chores without the ring.
If he gets all that free, why rush to marry you. In fact, he may never marry, if he can have his cake and eat it too. So while he’s pursuing you, make sure he has to keep reaching for what he wants. Make him work for you. Keep some mystery to your relationship. He’s not entitled to all of your until you have all of him and that means his last name.
- Make sure you’re compatible;
- make sure there’s ample chemistry.
- Become best friends
Get good at playing the catch and mouse game and you’ll get him to marry you sooner rather than later.
There are many posted articles on this site that will give details on what love is, how it works, dating skills that lead to marriage and much, much more. Stay a while and look around.
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Until next time,