Bruce kissed her passionately. Amy responded but pulled back a little. She had a habit of doing that. Like the passion was almost there—but not quite. In the back of her mind she pushed the nagging question aside: Is he your soulmate? She wanted him to be—but was he?
Amy and Bruce had been dating for a little more than two years. He was everything a woman could want in a man. He was kind, funny, educated, loved children and had a fantastic career as an architect. Bruce was as talented as they come and a giver from his heart. He showered her with lavish gifts and unrelenting love … So, what’s not to love? After all, wouldn’t a girl know when the man she is dating is her soulmate — her true love?
… Or was it true love?
Her concern came to a head when she faced a dilemma six months later at her family reunion. Bruce proposed marriage in front of everyone. Down on one knee, he opened up a beautiful box and pulled out a 2 karat cushion cut diamond ring. Her family went wild with excitement. Her mother especially loved Bruce as dearly as she loved Amy. “What a lucky girl you are,” she reminded her over and over again. “Now, I’ll have the son your father and I always wanted.”
Talking about pressure …. But I digress.
Everyone crowded her with hugs, kisses and congratulations. Bruce smiled from ear to ear—In all the fervor, though, little did anyone notice that she hadn’t said “I will,” she had simply smiled. But family and friends burst into applause as soon as he asked the question assuming she had said “yes,” including Bruce himself.
She nodded as convincingly as possible, but somewhere deep down inside was this churning uneasiness, a cloud overshadowing her heart shading her happiness. “Why am I not riding on cloud nine?” she asked herself internally. There was a hedging only noticeable to her.
Bruce was ready for the big day and constantly pressured her to set a date. She always had an excuse—any reason to postpone making that commitment. It was an engagement without a set date. She toyed with her ring, turning it over and over, pleased with the brilliance of the stone. Yet unable to completely embrace its meaning in her heart—she sighed.
A couple months later into her engagement, a dear high school friend, Emily, whom she had grown up with called from out of state to announce her own wedding and invited Amy to be a bridesmaid. Excited for her friend, she accepted that, and the invitation to the bridal shower.
The bridal shower was a gala affair. Emily blushed when opening presents of intimate apparel and other naughty enticements especially the Baby Dolls Body Stockings. Her laughter and tears of joy were infectious on everyone including Amy. How happy she was for her friend to have found her soulmate. Emily’s unbounded happiness reflected in her eyes.
Just what is a Soul mate Amy found herself asking?
At home alone she opened her computer to the dictionary site and read:
- A person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond: a person for whom one has a deep affinity, esp. a lover, wife, husband
- A deep affinity: agreement, attraction, friendship, inclination, marriage relationship.
“Okay,” she inhaled heavily and clicked out. The definition, though, did not completely satisfy her. So shrugging her shoulders, she gestured with her hands in the air and said in a defeated tone, “I give up.” She resolved not to question her love for Bruce again. Yes, she determined, he is my soulmate.
Finally it was Emily’s wedding day. Amy watched her as she walked down the aisle arm-in-arm with her proud father. She was beaming. When she reached her groom, John, Amy saw how Emily radiated a luminous glow full of wonderment when she looked at her husband to be. Her eyes smiled. Her mouth smiled. Her heart smiled. What a happy, happy bride.
At the reception when the bride and groom began the wedding dance, Amy turned to Bruce and looked deep into his eyes silently questioning why she didn’t feel like Emily about her own upcoming wedding—about her own husband to be. A momentary sadness swept over her.
Why Did She Want to Marry Bruce?
At home alone, she took out a pad and pencil and jotted down why she wanted to marry Bruce. And forcing herself to be honest, she wrote the following:
- I may have a real subconscious fear of being alone.
- People are designed to fall in love–it’s only natural that I pair up in this world
- My parents love him and want him in the family
- My biological clock might be running out; I want children
- Am I dating for love or am I mistakenly settling?
- Why am I so confused about this relationship?
- Do I really know what love is?
- Am I really in love with Bruce; how would I know for sure?
That last question, how would I know for sure, sent chills up her spine. Her conclusion was that you would know. There would be no question.
- Your heart would tell you
- your eyes would tell you
- your soul would tell you
She concluded you don’t have these soul-searching questions when the love is real. She wanted to marry someone for that rare, “he makes my heart sing” love. So “No.” He was not her soulmate. The term true love–didn’t apply to them.
Convinced now that she didn’t have that type of love for Bruce, she wondered where to turn to for answers on solving this dilemma? The next post will consider what she learned about the difference between soulmate and lifetime partner love and the difference between dating for love vs. settling for love.
Here’s an important quote to keep in mind: A heart-bound relationship is rare and powerful and takes on a life of its own. Once you’re in its snare it lives and breathes for you and through you without you having to do a thing. And you never get away. It is lifetime love”.
Talk with you next time. Click here for more info: howtodatetomarry