Dating: How to Identify Your Best Match I
Is there a way to identify the type of man most likely to love you BEFORE dating all the frogs along the way? YES there is. It is the type of man who sees who you are deep down inside and will respond to that identity because deep down inside he is similar to you.
Our best match would be someone who reflects us as much as possible. Of course no two people are exactly alike, but your partner should be as much like you as possible because you’d have the most in common thinking alike on a series of important issues: share same attitudes toward money, family, housing, careers, handling disagreements, housework, parenting, sex, etc. Do you understand that having these core values in common will bond rather than irritate, annoy, or divide?
Yeah, what about it? Can you imagine living day in and day out with a man who is the complete opposite of everything you? Ummm, that wouldn’t be much fun now would it! That issue is covered in more detail in the workbook here.
How to Identify Your Best Match
- A Personal Profile defines you
- A Selection Profile defines who to date
You have to start with who YOU are first. Who you are deep down inside. It’s only by knowing yourself first can you determine who would complement you and who you would likewise complement. Many make dating choices only on the most basic level: Is he good looking; what does he do for a living; what are his educational credentials, what does he drive, is he good in bed.
While the above is important, it really won’t amount to much on its own if this person doesn’t “see” you. What I mean is love should be a mirror image. You see a reflection of yourselves in each other.
So often people fantasize about the perfect mate and unrealistically seek the “perfect” man or woman who possesses all the admirable characteristics and qualities they wish for themselves.
That’s a delusion because whoever that “perfect” person is, he or she needs someone most like himself or herself to mirror their self-image. It works both ways. Be realistic. The key to finding your soul mate is to find someone most like yourself*. What if you consider yourself dull, uninteresting; a shy introvert,–but dream of finding someone outgoing, loud, adventurous interested in climbing Mount Everest? Would that be realistic for you?
One promise of love is that we’ll find understanding. Understanding is what we seek most in a relationship. How many times have you asked a guy ‘Do you see what I mean?’ You are asking if he understands you. You want him to see you, to understand your inner psyche. You want to become psychologically visible to him.
This piercing vision into another person’s soul invites profound bonding. It is an incredible experience to ‘connect’ mentally and emotionally with another human being! To meet someone who thinks as we do, who notices what we notice, who values the things we value, whose morals are in harmony with our own and who tends to respond to situations as we do. We ‘see’ our self through him.
It’s like seeing our reflection in a mirror. This mirroring of our self in another is the key to finding our soul mate. Mutual visibility is as important to love as sun is to flowers. As water is to life.”
“We reach out for this ‘connection’ with our lover by the way we express our personality, by the way we behave toward him. Through the things we say and do and through the ways we say and do them. We know when he sees us by his like-minded behavior toward us.
By the way he looks at us. By the way he speaks to us. By the way he responds to us. If his inner-self, from his own base of aloneness, is in sync with our own, then we see each other. The balance is right. We connect.
So in your relationship, ask yourself, ‘Am I visible to my lover? Does he see me?’ If his behavior toward you portrays a distorted mirror image, if you don’t see yourself through him, something is wrong. You’re fighting an uphill battle.
Your dating profile should describe your innermost traits
A complete questionnaire covering every aspect of life is included in the workbook. But if you want to do this on your own, gather paper and pencil to start defining yourself. Include the following and anything else that defines who you are. After completion, anyone who reads your copy should see YOU.
- character: are you kind, generous, loving; or selfish and arrogant
- talents: what are they
- goals: make a list
- desires: what are your dreams
- ambitions: what will you pursue
- perspective of the world: do you love people, are prejudiced
- faith: religious or not; belief in God or not; political or not
- habits: super neat, or slob
- strengths and weaknesses: list
- various preferences: entertainment, sports, movies, hobbies, etc.
- attitudes toward most important issues in your life
- hopes and dreams
- “Hot Buttons” that spark intimacy for you
- And add other features and issues you deem appropriate
Completing this personal profile is the key to this entire program. It’s imperative to get “inside” yourself and identify who you really are. Only when you know who you are can you intelligently find your best match.
Part II of this series covers what to do with this Personal Profile and how it helps you identify the type of man most likely to love you. Take a look at Part II by clicking here.
Again, read what’s covered in the workbook by clicking here.
(*Not liking yourself first is another subject covered in the workbook).