WHAT IS “ATTITUDE”?
Men love a challenge. Men love to pursue. Men love the cat and mouse game. So, the first thing men want in a woman is her fiestiness. They want a woman full of animation, energy, or courage; spirited; spunky. In three words: They want “attitude.” Give him a reason to chase you. And how sweet that chase for your love will be to him.
- First, there are two things men don’t want: they don’t like clingy, neediness—that your whole world revolves around him—have some semblance of your own life.
- Second, men don’t want a woman overly obsessed with what other people think. He wants her to be an independent thinker free from worrying about someone else’s standards; but to live her own. This woman has a sense of confidence, freedom and empowerment.
But I’m a Nice Girl with no attitude!
“I don’t want to play those games with attitude,” Greta lamented. If I love a man I want to show it and be true to who I am. I want him to love me for my natural self and not hold back because that’s the way I am and that’s the way I want him to love me in return.”
Good luck with that approach Greta, and let me explain why.
Okay, to begin, there are always exceptions; however, generally men don’t think like women—especially at the beginning of a new relationship. Have you ever met the woman who was so gun-ho to prove how much her new beau meant to her that she went all out to please him from day one.
She invited him over for dinner, a four-course meal. (Note: there is a time to prepare him a meal; just not at this juncture.) Then she put on her sexiest lounge wear and of course she sexed him all night.
How did it turn out?
For many, after sex, (‘cause he’s not going to turn that down) the man runs for the hills. Going through his mind are 3 thoughts:
- She must be desperate to treat a virtual stranger this graciously after such a short period of time
- How much does she value her own sexuality sleeping with me on second date?
- Why is she so needy?
At this point, depending on who he is as a man; which by the way you don’t know yet, he will either treat you as a malleable puppet bending you to his will to see how much he can get out of you, or he will simply quietly slip away, leaving you to wonder why.
At the beginning of a new relationship a man, even subconsciously, is determining whether you are needy or whether you can stand on your own two feet.
At this crucial juncture, if you overcompensate or act too eager to please you may not earn his respect and the relationship could be over before it has a real chance to begin.
He’s assessing whether you expect to be respected.
I’ve written other articles on holding yourself up to the standard of being the “Prize” that you certainly are! Don’t give away your prized treasure. Make him earn YOU!
Make Him Value Your Time
So you have plans for Friday night that were scheduled months ago. Long time before you met him. But he calls and invites you out at that time. What should you do?
- Decline explaining you have other plans scheduled months ago
- Cancel previous plans to go with him
Greta says, “of course I’d cancel and go with him. I would want to show him how excited I am to be with him. It’s a further opportunity to get to know him better, and for him to know and appreciate me.”
By devaluing your time; he devalues it too. You become his beck-and-call gal. The better approach is to be available sometimes—other times; not. He will respect you more. It’s just the way men think.
A man’s mental challenge is revved when he has to think about where you are; what you’re doing; why you’re interested in whatever project you’re engaged him. His mind has to chase your actions. That’s a winning strategy for you.
You’re signaling to him that he doesn’t own your time. That sometimes you have other interests. The woman with the “attitude” says with action, “This is who I am.” Take it or leave it.
He LOVES it…
Remember that in any given situation, if he can’t predict how you will react, you remain a challenge! It’s the cat and mouse game to the Nth degree.
- Men Love to pursue—it’s in his DNA
- Men are hunters
- Men hunger for a challenge
So what a man wants in a woman is that she is savvy enough to understand this. It’s about understanding human nature and behaving accordingly. A man will always want what he can’t have. When a man meets a woman and she seems nonchalant about him, it becomes a challenge for him to win her affection.
“Grandma-D,” Greta began, “You seem to believe a woman should act coldly toward a man just to gain his attention. I don’t get that. I want my man thinking about me all the time every day. For instance, I leave little love notes in his lunch bag and send love texts at least three times a day. That way he knows that I am here for him and that I truly love him like no other woman does.”
Hmmm. And does he reciprocate?
For most men, that would be overkill—needy and stalky-like. What you don’t understand is that “attitude” doesn’t mean cold and aloof, it means showing self-confidence in yourself that while you love him; you don’t need him to live. That you’re not going to curl up and die without him. That’s not healthy.
The time to be soft and sweet
“Attitude” means you understand the human nature of the man’s ego. She understands that what enchants him about a woman is one who is comfortable in her own skin and cannot be made to feel bad about herself.
It’s about mystery and learning how to create intrigue about herself—something that his inner manhood ravishly feeds upon. When you lose the mystery of you from his life, the relationship can lose its fire. You never want him to take you for granted. You won’t like it; he won’t like it.
However, there are times when a woman is nice and sweet as a pretty panda bear eating Georgia peaches. It’s when she understands how to soothe his ego.
“I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.”—Ogden Nash
A man needs to feel “manly.” It is a major difference between men and women. He needs to feel in charge. That he’s the warrior. That he’s appreciated and revered. It’s all about power. Therefore the woman with attitude will let him think he’s in control. Unwittingly he will start doing what you want because he’ll always want to be the “alpha dog” in your eyes.
So the smart women cultivates the art of convincing him he is in control while you run the show. The two words guaranteed to flatter any man and turn him on … “you’re right.” Let him be right. You be “smart.” When you appeal to his feeling of power, you amp up his ego. Then you’re giving him what he needs and he doesn’t even know it.
Here are a few ways to act like you need him in ways that appeal to his ego as stated in the book, “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov:
When you act too much like Tarzan, he feels too much like Jane. Don’t kill a bug when he’s around. Don’t change a tire. In fact, don’t even change a light bulb. For any red-blooded male, the feeling that his is the “man” is the ticket.
A man needs to have his ego stroked. There’s a very big difference between catering to his ego and appearing needy. You shouldn’t show that you “need” him to help you with:
- Common sense
- Coping with everyday life
- Emotional stability
- Reassurance of your self-worth
- Feeling complete as a person
These things signify neediness. However, you can show that you need and appreciate his masculinity. He’ll absolutely cater to you when he feels that you like his “manliness” or that you admire his…brawn.
In other words, a man wants praise from a woman. Make him feel like he’s the “best.” Use the word “best,” and you’ll always have his full attention.
Don’t take him for granted
- When he takes you out to dinner, say thank-you.
- When he brings flowers, say thank-you
- When he cleans the garage, say thank you
- Ask him to open a jar that you can’t open, even if you can
- Let him protect you from the cold by crawling under his coat
- If he kills a little bug, look away until he’s made everything right again
- Tell him how great a driver he is
- Don’t nag or complain all the time
- Make him feel like king of his castle and he’ll reward you many times over
In addition to having to feel he’s right, a man needs to have things be “his idea.” So, remember, it’s always his idea. Even if it isn’t, convince him that it is.”
- If, in front of friends, he steps in and takes credit for something you thought of, don’t show him up. He needs to show that he’s the chief.
- Don’t correct him in front of your mutual friends because he’ll feel emasculated.
- If you must address the issue, do it privately, not in front of people
I know this ego thing can be exhausting (smile).
Giving your man the feeling of power is not how to give up your power. But it is a lesson on how to gain power because you appeal to a man and make him channel his energies toward you. You nudge him a little bit when it comes to his emotions.
You make him think he’s in charge; then he’ll be much more attuned to what you need and he’ll apply much more effort to please you.
Got it now?
Sex and Dating Relationships–What Men Look …
For women in a budding relationship, in today’s free sex for all world, it’s difficult to understand why engaging in sex too soon, for the most part, doesn’t work well in developing a meaningful relationship for the long haul.
Remember, men like a challenge. The sad thing is that nice girls are more likely to feel obligated, pressured or manipulated to sleep with a man early on. She’s too eager to please him. She sleeps with him believing she’ll hook him with great sex, as though what she has to offer sexually is “golden.” The woman with attitude understands that sex only becomes “golden” when he doesn’t get it right away.
The woman with attitude waits for him to “earn” it. And besides even though men love sex, deep down inside sex too early turns him off a little. Notice what one young man said:
If she gives it up too soon, we stop with the romance and we stop working at it. We enjoy playing the game, and if it ends too soon, we’re disappointed. We’re struggling inside subconsciously. We know we want it, but we know we want the girl to make us wait. Otherwise, it’s a one or two-time thing. And then you move on.
Ladies are you listening? You can sabotage a budding romance by having sex too soon!
Again, it gets back to the man who loves to pursue; to the man who values the hunt; to the man looking for a woman who values herself.
- A man falls in love with a woman when he feels he has “met his match.”
- Men are attracted to a woman who can speak her mind
- A man wants a woman who has a mind of her own—who isn’t afraid to disagree or express an opinion.
- Men like things that are difficult. When he has to go out of his way to see you, he is actually happier
- Men appreciate the woman who will not pull the plug on her life simply to accommodate him
In subsequent posts, we’ll explore this subject further.
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